You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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