Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
