I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
