somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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