That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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