it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
