I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize
