i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
