New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
