I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
