if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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