She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize