I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
