please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
