Your face is a jimmy john
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
