No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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