I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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