i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
