I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
