Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
