Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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