Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Is it penis luge time yet?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
