I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
