What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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