I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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