She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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