i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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