textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
