So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
