you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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