??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
