I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
