The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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