the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
