dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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