Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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