its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
