i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
