Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
