god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
