somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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