I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
