I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The best revenge is premature balding
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I am one with the molecules
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize