Your mouth is God's brothel.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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