Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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