I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
These tits shall not be calmed
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
