FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
