Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
