i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
