i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
