It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
