i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
