One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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