I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
