Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
