I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
...so i touched it.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
