Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
