Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
