From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize