Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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