oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
