2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
