he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize