So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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