i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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