I need help removing her.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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