Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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