so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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